Step out of your argument clinic. Do the thing!

If you’ve ever seen Monty Python’s sketch “Argument Clinic”, you have a rough idea of what it’s like inside my head while I am writing this. (And if you haven’t, I highly recommend you look it up!) What I mean is that every sentence is an internal topic of debate. (Is this one going anywhere? Yes it is. No it isn’t!) And if you think that sounds exhausting: you’re completely right. (I am not arguing with you or myself on that one.)

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t pay for my mind to deliver this “service”, and so I won’t have a bell indicating the end of the argument. On the plus side, you’re reading this now, so somehow I managed to get the work done. If you recognise chronically overthinking everything and having your mind hold you back from actually doing stuff, I hope these tips help you as much as they help me.

Step 1: Understand the pattern

Just like Truman had to realise he was caught in a show before he could escape, you have to recognise yourself getting caught in the pattern first before you can break it. And that starts with understanding it. With time, the pattern becomes more and more obvious, and you don’t even have to look out for it anymore to recognise it playing out.

My first clues that I’m getting pulled into an internal debate are a rising feeling of demotivation, incompetence and confusion. Usually, I’ll have been planning to do something (say, record a video). The closer I get to the actual “recording” bit, the more my mind will start to tell me why it’s a bad idea, why I’m not suitable, how much my voice sucks and anything else it can think of. Now, most of this will happen more or less unconsciously, so that I only catch the resulting feelings (demotivation, incompetence and confusion). 

If I don’t catch myself there and correct course, the demotivation usually brings in its big brother procrastination. Anything I can do to distract myself from feeling shitty and incompetent, which may be another task on my to-do list (which is not a loss per se), or, more likely, just distracting myself by doing something meaningless (like aimlessly scrolling social media). 

If I still don’t interrupt the pattern there, procrastination brings in the big boss: my internal judge. The one that asks me (or rather: demands to know) how come I am wasting my time with menial stuff. How I can be so useless that I can’t even bring myself to record a measly little video. What I think will become of me, if I continue this trend of wasting away my time. Spoiler alert: he is not a fun guy at parties.

Now this is where the internal debate starts to shape up nicely, and why it reminds me so much of the Argument Clinic. If I tell the judge: “But just before you didn’t think I was good enough to record a video”, the judge just blasts back how pathetic it is that I care so much about my voice. The judge will go: “You really should just have recorded that video, no big deal”, and my survival instinct will go: “No way I can, it’s too dangerous!” And back and forth they go in never-ending contradiction, no little “ding” to stop these two!

 Step 2: Name the pattern

When I say “name the pattern”, I mean recognise the pattern whilst you’re in it. (Although, if you want to give it a cool nickname, who am I to stop you?!) This can be tricky if you’re stuck feeling sorry for yourself, or too busy distracting yourself, but the sooner you do, the better. I usually just go: “Oh, yep, here I am procrastinating again.” 

DON’T ever label part of the behaviour as part of your identity. I could say: “Oh, yep, I am the master procrastinator”, but that takes away my ownership. It’s like I’m saying: “Poor little old me, that’s just how I am and nothing can change it.” Which is what comes out of the rear-end of a bull. Or like the thin french pancakes.

You aren’t lazy.

You aren’t shy.

You aren’t incompetent.

You’re just letting internal patterns block the behaviour that you actually want to exhibit. It’s as simple (and complicated) as that.

Step 3: Break the pattern

If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got. So how do you break the pattern, once you’ve understood and named it? What works for me, is going back to why I wanted to take action in the first place. I record videos so that (hopefully) other quiet folks out there get inspired to find and own their voice.

Now, my mind may be right. Maybe me recording a video is a bad idea. Maybe I am not suitable. Maybe my voice really does suck. The point is, if I get sucked into the internal argument of whether or not those things are true, and how big or small the risks really are, I know that that bell won’t ring after 5 minutes. Your mind will find arguments for both, for as long as you give it the floor. 

What it can’t argue with me about, is why I care about recording videos. I  KNOW. So instead, why not just walk out the door and DO the thing?

P.s.

Now I know you may be going: “This sounds simple, but it doesn’t work.” Then I’d like to argue: yes it does! You just may have to identify and clear some other internal barriers. If you let me know what you feel is still holding you back, I’ll be sure to address it in one of my future posts.

Yours in mind-bending,

Kelly